Festival Dos and Don'ts
Heading to a festival? Listen and learn
Feature
Whether you're entering the world of festivals for the first time this summer as a nervous, inexperienced foal, or you're a dreadlocked Glastonbury veteran, there's always ways to improve your festival fun. Turn down the music, put down the tent pegs for a second, and take heed of these simple yet crucial titbits to making your festival experience tip top.
Do Take wet wipes: Wet wipes are essential for those early morning washes, without the arduous water, shower, bath or tap element. Simply roll out of your tent and slide a wet one over your grubby limbs and you're clean as a not so clean whistle for the next onslaught of warm beer, loud music and dodgy pills. Warning: keep them safe, or they'll get used up as quickly as you can say 'Glastonbury'. Use a hip flask: This is a crucial bit of kit for the stiff elixir your mind will need after 2 and a half days of festivalling. What's more, you can ease the burden on your decidedly slim wallet by avoiding those £5 ciders and beers. Make sure you hide it well when getting past the arena gates, mind. 'It's my medicine' is NOT a valid excuse.
Take a spare phone: One of the least enjoyable things about festivals is trying to meet up with people. Meeting points are always either stupidly vague, 'meet us at the left of the main stage', ridiculously detailed 'we're by the guy with green hair' or just foolish, 'we'll be under the helicopter' (Itchy heard this one once, as a helicopter sped past.) Try to make this experience as unchallenging as possible by always having battery on your phone. You don't want to be queuing for power whilst your favourite band is on, so take an extra phone or battery.
Bring plenty of wonga: The only thing more expensive than festivals is financing a small war, so make sure you have the corresponding cash. Think a tenner a day will fulfil your needs? Think again. By the time you've had four £4.50 drinks, it's only an hour and a half into the festival, the music hasn't started yet and you've not even thought about food. Yes, take money saving things like your own grub and secret booze containers, but don't bank on them to see you through. Take enough money, stash it well and avoid lengthy and expensive cash machine queues.
Don't Be a flag-bearing idiot: Whatever you do at any of the festivals remaining this summer, do not take a flag with a 'hilarious' word, phrase or picture on. Just don't. It might be tempting...a picture of a toaster – ha! RANDOM...or a really original quote from Anchorman...BRILLIANT - but just don't. This activity is reserved for those with such personality deficiencies that being 'wacky' is their last bastion of social acceptance and are willing to diminish their festival experience to achieve such an annoying characteristic. On a completely practical level, they may be good for locating things or people, but they block the view and you'll get bored of carrying it approximately 3.7 minutes after leaving your tent. Just don't bother.
Pack clothes as if you're going on holiday: Even if you're going abroad for a festival, it isn't the same as going on holiday. Everyone always ends up using about 28%; of what they pack because the fuzzy cider induced view on life-priorities you will perpetually experience at a festival doesn't apply when you're packing to leave on a dull, sober, pre-festival Thursday afternoon in your boring neighbourhood. If you sort your underwear first, and think very economically about the rest – you should have a light rucksack and a comfortable amount of clothes.
Stress about doing everything: There will almost certainly be someone in your group who will attempt to direct proceedings with the impossible aim and obsession of seeing every act, dj and juggling performer in the whole world ever. With a festival timetable round their neck (and possibly one spare), a loud voice and immaculately prepared belongings: these are the people to avoid. Sure, you don't want to be that guy who gets stoned in his tent all weekend, but just remember to concentrate on having fun whatever you're doing. Focus on three/four things you want to see and do that day, and relax and have fun. Don't follow the fun-Nazis.
Overdo things: Indeed, you'd be odd if you didn't want to get battered at a festival and have fun, but you don't want to be that casualty everyone uses as a visual deterrent for their own hedonism. Drink alcohol as if you're putting out a particularly potent throat fire, sure, but just make sure you're still standing by the end of the music. Well, we guess semi-propped up will suffice.
Take unnecessary valuables: if you need ID use a driver's licence and if you're wanting post music entertainment, take an electrical device that you might not be too attached to. It could well end up being some weird sacrifice in a 5am impromptu bonfire. Additionally, designate different people to take different essentials so you don't end up with 6 ipods, 2 CD players and a Macbook. Be sensible, plan ahead, and if any pilferer should venture into your tent, there'll be slim pickings.
Tom Ford
Do Take wet wipes: Wet wipes are essential for those early morning washes, without the arduous water, shower, bath or tap element. Simply roll out of your tent and slide a wet one over your grubby limbs and you're clean as a not so clean whistle for the next onslaught of warm beer, loud music and dodgy pills. Warning: keep them safe, or they'll get used up as quickly as you can say 'Glastonbury'. Use a hip flask: This is a crucial bit of kit for the stiff elixir your mind will need after 2 and a half days of festivalling. What's more, you can ease the burden on your decidedly slim wallet by avoiding those £5 ciders and beers. Make sure you hide it well when getting past the arena gates, mind. 'It's my medicine' is NOT a valid excuse.
Take a spare phone: One of the least enjoyable things about festivals is trying to meet up with people. Meeting points are always either stupidly vague, 'meet us at the left of the main stage', ridiculously detailed 'we're by the guy with green hair' or just foolish, 'we'll be under the helicopter' (Itchy heard this one once, as a helicopter sped past.) Try to make this experience as unchallenging as possible by always having battery on your phone. You don't want to be queuing for power whilst your favourite band is on, so take an extra phone or battery.
Bring plenty of wonga: The only thing more expensive than festivals is financing a small war, so make sure you have the corresponding cash. Think a tenner a day will fulfil your needs? Think again. By the time you've had four £4.50 drinks, it's only an hour and a half into the festival, the music hasn't started yet and you've not even thought about food. Yes, take money saving things like your own grub and secret booze containers, but don't bank on them to see you through. Take enough money, stash it well and avoid lengthy and expensive cash machine queues.
Don't Be a flag-bearing idiot: Whatever you do at any of the festivals remaining this summer, do not take a flag with a 'hilarious' word, phrase or picture on. Just don't. It might be tempting...a picture of a toaster – ha! RANDOM...or a really original quote from Anchorman...BRILLIANT - but just don't. This activity is reserved for those with such personality deficiencies that being 'wacky' is their last bastion of social acceptance and are willing to diminish their festival experience to achieve such an annoying characteristic. On a completely practical level, they may be good for locating things or people, but they block the view and you'll get bored of carrying it approximately 3.7 minutes after leaving your tent. Just don't bother.
Pack clothes as if you're going on holiday: Even if you're going abroad for a festival, it isn't the same as going on holiday. Everyone always ends up using about 28%; of what they pack because the fuzzy cider induced view on life-priorities you will perpetually experience at a festival doesn't apply when you're packing to leave on a dull, sober, pre-festival Thursday afternoon in your boring neighbourhood. If you sort your underwear first, and think very economically about the rest – you should have a light rucksack and a comfortable amount of clothes.
Stress about doing everything: There will almost certainly be someone in your group who will attempt to direct proceedings with the impossible aim and obsession of seeing every act, dj and juggling performer in the whole world ever. With a festival timetable round their neck (and possibly one spare), a loud voice and immaculately prepared belongings: these are the people to avoid. Sure, you don't want to be that guy who gets stoned in his tent all weekend, but just remember to concentrate on having fun whatever you're doing. Focus on three/four things you want to see and do that day, and relax and have fun. Don't follow the fun-Nazis.
Overdo things: Indeed, you'd be odd if you didn't want to get battered at a festival and have fun, but you don't want to be that casualty everyone uses as a visual deterrent for their own hedonism. Drink alcohol as if you're putting out a particularly potent throat fire, sure, but just make sure you're still standing by the end of the music. Well, we guess semi-propped up will suffice.
Take unnecessary valuables: if you need ID use a driver's licence and if you're wanting post music entertainment, take an electrical device that you might not be too attached to. It could well end up being some weird sacrifice in a 5am impromptu bonfire. Additionally, designate different people to take different essentials so you don't end up with 6 ipods, 2 CD players and a Macbook. Be sensible, plan ahead, and if any pilferer should venture into your tent, there'll be slim pickings.Tom Ford
