Justify your shopping addiction

Like village fetes and teenage mums, charity shops are a British institution. To uphold the tradition in Brum, get out of the city centre and head for the high streets of the surrounding suburbs. Itchy's favourite area is Harborne (a twenty minute bus ride from the city centre). You can be cheap and lazy here, as there are ten charity shops within ten minutes of each other.

British Heart Foundation
159 High Street, Harborne
(0121) 426 4648
bhf.org.uk

We once saw one of those 'Give just £2 a month' adverts being filmed outside here. So if you happen to be a celebrity looking for a photo opportunity, here's a good one. The shop itself is good for basics and has enough books to make your friends think you're intelligent on the cheap. Take along a tall friend as the clothes are hung annoyingly high, meaning aching arms just as you hit the good stuff.

Good for flogging off crap unwanted prezzies?
They'll take most things off your hands, but those stocking fillers could pop up in a TV advert when you least expect it.
Rating – 6/10
Mon–Sat, 9am–5pm

Settlement Shop
178 High Street, Harborne
(0121) 427 1891
The sign says they help 'disadvantaged people.' Quite how or whom they help (Coventry fans? Jade Goody?) is a mystery, but it's great for strange items that you never knew you needed. Along with books and weird ornaments at the front, there's furniture in good condition given the price. The window display, on the other hand, doesn't look like it's been touched since Thatcher was prime minister. The little old ladies who run the place probably don't even know she's left Number 10 yet. They're a bit doddery, so prepare to ask how their hip replacement went while they wrap your new lamp in newspaper from 1985.

Good for flogging off crap unwanted prezzies?
Yes, very. It's unlikely your stuff will end up in the window, so no chance of granny spotting it as she totters past. Oh, and even better, they'll come and pick up the big stuff from your house for free.
Rating – 9/10
Mon–Sat, 9.30am–4.30pm

Marie Curie Cancer Care
157 High Street, Harborne
(0121) 426 3941
mariecurie.org.uk

Big shop at the end of the high street which we imagine is the big kid on charity shop campus. It's blatantly the place to donate to, as the rails are always crammed full, making it somewhat difficult to browse. The clothes are colour co-ordinated, which is always a bonus. Except for the colour blind, for whom it's probably a nightmare. They've also got a good selection of bags and jewellery so all your accessorising needs are well taken care of. This is one of the best shops for putting together a fancy dress outfit with clothes from every era and every style. You'll look like a right twat in no time.

Good for flogging off crap unwanted prezzies?
Not bad, but do one of the underdogs a favour and donate it to them instead.
Rating – 7/10
Mon–Sat, 9.30am–5pm

Cancer Research UK
67 High Street, Harborne
(0121) 427 2379
cancerresearchuk.org

Chatting to the volunteers behind the counter is one of the joys of charity shops. They always have a story to tell, and the Caribbean chap in this branch of Cancer Research is among the best. He always plays soul or blues over the loudspeakers and asks every customer what they think: 'You into this sort of thing? No? What you into then? Go on, surprise me!' It's worth going just to meet him, but the stock ain't bad either. Good selection of clothes and kitchenware, all well-organised and tidy. Unlikely you'll leave empty-handed.

Good for flogging off crap unwanted prezzies?
The smooth soul-lover would cover for anyone, so your loot's safe in his hands.
Rating – 9/10
Mon–Sat, 9am–5pm

PDSA (Pets in need of vets)
138/140 High Street, Harborne
(0121) 427 344
psda.org.uk

We're not all animal lovers, but for those who do have a dog for a best friend, PDSA's cornered the market. It's stocked full of granny clothes. Including bras. Big, old woman bras. The type you used to pull off the washing line and run around your gran's garden wearing it as a hat. They also have a good range of shoes and pet stuff. Thankfully not second-hand, pre-chewed bones. Nope, this is certified PDSA merchandise. Unfortunately, they've yet to branch out into PDSA T-shirts that you can wear to the next PDSA shop and show what a true fan you are.

Good for flogging off crap unwanted prezzies?
Either your nan or one of her care home chums is bound to come in here and spot that knitted jumper. Save yourself the hassle, unravel it and sell the wool on eBay.
Rating – 3/10
Mon–Sat, 9am–5pm

Now you know where to go, we think it's also worth bearing in mind how to act when you're scouring a charity shop for bargains. For those of you who are new to this way of life, here's a few charity shop faux pas to avoid:
1. Not asking before you try on clothes: Always ask the nice old lady behind the counter before you use the changing room. It makes her feel important.
2. Smelling everything you pick up: We've come a long way since the days of everything smelling of BO and/or damp. Nowadays, most places steam and iron everything before it hits the shop floor.
3. Asking for a refund: IT'S FOR CHARITY, YOU CHEAP BASTARD. If you change your mind, then the correct etiquette is to donate it to another shop (no the one you bought it from) where someone else will buy it and do exactly the same thing.

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