Itchy Oxford article

Hair of the dog

Hangover cures tried and tested

Cure 1
Guinea Pig: Mike Waugh – itchy important type and part time IT geek
The Damage: Three ‘swift pints’ after work, followed by three evener swifter ones, two Bacardi Breezers (watermelon flavour) and a tequila. Got to bed at 1.30am on Tuesday night with vague knowledge of need to be functional part of human race by 9.30am Wednesday morning.
Cure ingredients: 1 x large fry-up, 1 x two litre bottle of full sugar coke, 4 x cups of tea
Success Rating: 3/5
Comments: All well and good, but would be best followed with twelve hour nap. Work isn’t really doing it for me today, not even a new fangled micro-chip could hope to lift this level of pain.

Cure 2
Guinea Pig: Kate Statham – itchy Manchester girl and artist’s muse
The Damage: A swanky press launch, free cocktails, minimal canapés, a brush with minor celebrity, memory fades…
Cure Ingredients: 2 x bottles of Evian, 1 x healthy fruit salad, twenty minute brisk walk in the park
Success Rating: 1/5
Comments: Are you crazy? What kind of freak can survive hangover from hell on a banana and two slices of apple. No, No, No this is deeply wrong.

Cure 3
Guinea Pig: Ruby Quince – itchy founder and cycling enthusiast
The Damage: Whiskey drinking competition with a totally non-lightweight companion. Money was involved and I couldn’t afford to lose face or cash.
Cure Ingredients: The prevention method, 2 x pints of water, 2 x non-prescription painkiller of your choice. BEFORE BED.
Success Rating: 4/5
Comments: I opted for those fancy liquid Nurofen and a complex reminder system incorporating a Palm Pilot, Psion Organiser and game of Mousetrap. Basically it works, but requires a level of planning I’m not quite comfortable with. If you can manage to remember to do it, you can’t be that pissed in the first place.

Cure 4
Guinea Pig: Emma Howarth – itchy London girl and professional lizard
The Damage: Usual Monday night in with the girls whingeing about the evil of men over a couple of bottles of wine (each).
Cure Ingredients: Hair of the Dog. Bloody Mary at 8am…
Success Rating: 5/5
Comments: This one really works, as long as you keep up the drinking. Not entirely recommended for a weekday cure – the boss did frown a tad when I tried to pull the post-boy. But for a weekend hangover, what could be finer.

Cure 5
Guinea Pig: Simon Gray - itchy editorial geezer and pornographer
The Damage: My local Rugby team induction night (I don’t play Rugby just went along for the piss-up), twelve pints at high speed all whilst dressed up as a girl and chanting loudly. Excellent.
Cure Ingredients: Alka Seltzer. An entire drug concept designed to handle hangover world. Do why does no-one use it?
Success Rating: 3/5
Comments: I am still exhaling pure ethanol and absorbing moisture from the air by osmosis. It didn’t really work.

Emma Howarth

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