Billie Rox

Forget repackaging fags to make them pocket–sized advertisements for the slow and nasty death they bring, there are some places that are screaming out to be sued for false advertising. Billed as 'the best party in town', Jumpin' Jaks could only live up to its claim if you've spent the last 33 years in a Bangkok prison on drug charges. Packed with drunken scallies, lycra–clad mums who falsely believe they've got their figure back after the birth of their third child, and anyone who buys their bling from Argos – it's a mission to get to the bar and back without being groped. The lighting's harsh and uncomplimentary, and even the safe bet of chart music is ripped apart by dodgy cabaret singers who take to the stage with –you guessed it –drunkards from the crowd. Truly, truly awful.

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